


First Snow, Our Last

by nalbwanalbwa



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M, sports school au minus the sports, teen up rating bcs of underage drinking and smoking, winter au in mid-August bcs why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 22:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15672255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nalbwanalbwa/pseuds/nalbwanalbwa
Summary: If, by some beautiful turn of event, you happen to watch the first snow fall of the year with a person whose smile you want to keep in your pockets and voice you keep on hearing at the school hallway and on your bed before you go to sleep, isn't it just a Heaven's way of telling that you should probably confess your feelings and share a kiss like in those dramas with mediocre idol actors, probably? At least that's what Jihoon has thought - there is nothing to lose anyway, since you cannot lose what you never have on the first place.





	First Snow, Our Last

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to my southern hemisphere peeps who can probably relate to this fic right now, sorry for all other people who are suffering through the heat (hopefully this can cool us a bit? hehe)

* * *

 

The first snow falls a day earlier than predicted this year.

 

The crowd around Busan Station has winded down for a little bit, though Daniel knows it will pick up again in an hour or so. Crowd is a good thing, and the temperature that is approaching sub-zero is even better – because more people will feel inclined to have some bungeoppang then, and maybe Daniel can finish his batter stock early for the day before his face goes completely numb.

And that is not the reason why he tries to peer at the flip grill as close as possible to check the doneness of the pastry, totally.

He expertly slides two of the perfectly grilled bungeoppang into paper bags before handing one to the lady customer in front of the stall. Then, he moves away from the stall and crouches to give the other one to the little girl next to the lady, presumably her daughter.

“Hold it with both hands, it’s warm,” he says gently as he pats the girl on the head after a nod and a smile of approval from the mother.

“Say thank you to the oppa, Yuju,” the mother reminds her.

The girl opens her mouth but before the words of thanks can come up, something catches her attention and she gasps, pointing at Daniel’s black Converse, “Snow!”

Daniel’s eyes follow her little finger and true enough, there are two flakes of snow on his shoes, aesthetically overlapping and more noticeable than those scattered on the pavement. He looks up and sees the snow lightly powdering down, the white flakes prominent against grey-casted sky – ever beautifully so.

 _First_ snow, he finds himself thinking – and as if on cue, a face, young and always flushed, flashes before his eyes, followed by a bashful smile, and a boyish laugh rings in his mind, and together they form a vivid memory, pieces by pieces, of someone as special as the first fallen snow, yet also as fleeting – ever beautifully so.     

He does not realize when the little girl and her mother waves him goodbye, but when he stands up, he is alone – and for a moment, just a brief lapse of time, he feels the loneliest he ever has to bear.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

When Jihoon passed the hallway leading to the dorm common room, he already knew it was a bad decision to proceed with his plan, but he took a glance at the box of chicken he was holding and realized he would rather to do anything but to have his dorm room smelling like honey combo chicken, so he swung his legs reluctantly towards the large space in between the two dorm wings, preparing himself of what he would have to brace in a short while.

True enough, he was hit by a headache right as he appeared on the doorway.

“JIHOONIE IS HERE,” Park Woojin, the cause of headache number 1, Park Woojin belted out in a manner that could be considered singing if Jihoon wanted to be kind, but he definitely did not want to be kind right now so Woojin decidedly sounded like a goat to him.

The cause of headache number 2, Kim Jaehwan strummed his guitar and crooned, “Jihoonie, let’s make a carol together,” with a vocal that could totally compete and win on The Voice of God for all Jihoon knew, but again, he was starting to doubt if he could handle both Woojin and Jaehwan right now; it was not too late to back out and eat in the room, after all, preferably on Woojin’s bed – since he was still rooted on the entrance.

The other person that were sitting with them made backing adlibs with some nonsense words over his cup of ramyeon – the cause of headache number 3, in this case – which Woojin responded with some of his own, triggering the mad clown laughter from Kim Jaehwan, his fingers still fiddling with the strings of the guitar for some random melody.

“What in the world is in Jihoonie’s head,” he sang following his own strums, like some rock stars – and his two companions contributed accordingly as if rehearsed (“ _Want to eat ramyeon!” / “Want to eat rice!”)_.   

The voice in Jihoon’s head was convincing him to get away but right then, the cause of headache number 3 smiled at him, and in that instance, Jihoon had his choice made for him and walked into the room.

“Jihoonie is eating chicken again after eating a whole chicken for lunch,” Woojin somehow managed to fit the narrative into the lyrics that he sang, upon noticing the box in Jihoon’s hand but Jihoon tuned him out as he sat down at the table.

“Chicken fairy,” the cause of headache number 3 sang right next to his ear and Jihoon could not tune that out even if he wanted to – _not_ that he wanted to – but he ignored it all the same and started with his first chicken leg as Kim Jaehwan sang about how Jihoon would scold them over unfinished chicken, followed by some unnecessarily perfect high notes.

 _Well, I am the Chicken Fairy_ , _after all_ , Jihoon thought to himself, though he was quick to feel ridiculous about acknowledging the nickname just because that certain person gave it to him – just another proof of how whipped he was, at this point.

“But seriously, Park Jihoon,” Woojin has stopped singing, _thank god_ , and was now looking concerned enough that some people would not be able to see him feigning it. “You are going to blow up if you keep eating like this.”

Jihoon looked at him pointedly. “I run at least 5km a day, Park Woojin. What’s half a chicken gonna do to me?”

“One and half-chicken,” corrected Woojin under his breath but he dropped the topic at a nudge from the person next to him.

“Oh yeah, Park Jihoon, are you free tomorrow night?” Jaehwan asked suddenly, the matter had just popped on his mind. Jihoon nodded, raising his eyebrow in enquiry at the older boy as his mouth was busy with all the chewing.

“You are invited to my college admission congratulatory party, at the student dorm council room, 9pm sharp – yes, I know you are touched, there’s no need to say thank you.”

Jihoon pretended to gag, and he heard laughter on his right side, feeling a little bit proud that he did that. “So, Howon University?”

“Yes, baby,” Jaehwan did a riff in celebration, happiness clearly apparent on his face, now that Jihoon noticed it, especially on his raised plump cheeks. Jihoon smiled along – everyone knew Jaehwan was aiming for early admission to Howon University in Applied Music, a major with less than 1% acceptance rate –  it was indeed good news and deserved a celebration.

Plus, Jaehwan’s party meant smuggled beers for his depraved underaged throats stuck with living in a school dorm so he certainly would not say no to that.

“Ask him how he passed the practical exam,” Woojin told Jihoon, a smirk hanging off his lips, followed by a roll of eyes. Jihoon turned to Jaehwan again and asked him the question, secretly intrigued as well because while he was not exceptionally talented as Jaehwan in anything, he was also aiming for special admission into the programs that he was considering pursuing because academics have never been his strong points.

Jaehwan leaned forward, his lips so close to Jihoon’s ear that his breath tickled. “They only rate your visuals, baby.”

Jihoon threw his head back and laughed out loud, before stopping himself because there was a flash of consciousness in him that perhaps Jaehwan would find it mean of Jihoon to think about it as ridiculous – but when he glanced at the older boy, Jaehwan was laughing along and looking proud of making a hilarious situation by his own so Jihoon resumed his cackling, propping his upper body on Jaehwan’s thigh for support while trying not to touch anything with his sauce-stained fingers.

“Oh, hyung, you are leaving?” he heard Woojin ask at the back of his head, quite literally, and he turned around just to see the space to his right was now vacant.

“I’ll see you at the party, right, bro?” Jaehwan reconfirmed, albeit knowing this particular classmate of his, the attendance was pretty much already written on the stone. “Are you going for practice now? It’s almost sun down.”

“Of course –  just make sure there will be enough booze.  I’m just going to check if Joo Haknyeon is wrapping up the practise session well; it ain’t that much time until I officially hand the club captaincy to him, he needs to act like one right now or he will just be a pushover later,” the reply ended with a sigh, and Jihoon felt a prick of jealousy of his friend Haknyeon for the attention he was getting. It was too late now but Jihoon should have switched to high jump years ago.

“And Park Jihoon, you are a track athlete, you need to shed those chickens off. Go for a run with me tonight.”

And suddenly, the bit of jealousy evaporated into a mist, then a non-existence. Jihoon hid his smile with a roll of eyes and a long drawl of nonchalant reply.

“Yes, Kang Daniel _hyung-nim_ ,” he said, purposely emphasising the honorific to tease Daniel and without even looking at the boy, he knew he succeeded just by listening to the click of the tongue, followed by the chuckle at the back of his head.

  

* * *

 

 

Jaehwan’s party had already started when Jihoon made himself present in the Student Council room, on his hand two boxes of boneless chicken as his contribution to the food potluck. He put those boxes on the tables where the whole arrays of mismatched party foods were spread on, along with some seaweed snacks that he had also brought with him, though he kept one of these seaweed snacks with him as he made his way to the corner of the room, approaching the star of the party.

“Oh, it’s my baby Jihoonie,” crooned Jaehwan as he spotted Jihoon. “Give him a can, Sewoon-ah.”

Jung Sewoon, the ever-trusted president of the student council (as much as Jaehwan’s best friend can be trusted) passed him a can of chilled beer, which he took with a thank. It was thanks to Sewoon that the party could be held in the student council room, with discretion from the dorm manager that put all his faith on Sewoon to ensure that all would be within control.

“I hear you got into Howon University too, hyung, congrats,” Jihoon told Sewoon as he opened his drink and took a sip before continuing. “Though you would have to deal with Jaehwan-hyung for another three years, good luck.”

“Thanks, Jihoon-ah, I really need that – the second one,” said Sewoon, his face showed not much expression, which was really his default one but it was complemented by Jaehwan’s burst of reaction anyway – in this case, a booming laughter and a drape of his arms around Jihoon’s broad shoulder, and before Jihoon knew it, his plump cheek only a breath away from Jihoon’s own.

“I will forgive you because you are cute and I’m going to miss you so much, my baby,” Jaehwan gushed, even going as fair as faking a smooch.  

Jihoon scoffed but made no effort to shake Jaehwan away because he had braced through two years of Jaehwan’s excessive skinships and survived – and it was true that he might miss the senior next year when he would be off to college. “You will just miss messing with me –”

“Hey, Kim Jaehwan, stop manhandling Jihoonie for once.”

The voice made both Jihoon and Jaehwan turn around, and Sewoon to look up slightly, because the owner of the voice was a whole head taller than him. Jihoon instinctively took a step away from Jaehwan but the soccer team captain was still holding him close, arms now around Jihoon’s tiny waist.

“This is not manhandling, Niel-ah,” he told his friend, his cheeks raised teasingly, though he retracted his hands to himself at a nudge from Jihoon, that actually felt like a sharp jab on his lower rib bones.

“Beer, Daniel?” offered Sewoon serenely, as if the exchanges between Daniel and Jaehwan did not happen at all.

“Give me a Hite, thanks, Sewoon.”

Jaehwan chuckled at Daniel’s choice of beer, the only one in the vicinity to find anything funny about it and it was when Daniel raised an eyebrow questioningly at him that he offered an explanation.

“I only asked Minhyun-hyung to get us the Cass ones, you know – but the Hite beers were brought by –”

“Seongwu-hyung,” Daniel cut him off. He took the beer can from Sewoon and knocked it slightly on Jaehwan’s head. “I saw him just now. We are still good friends, Jaehwan, don’t imply weird things.”

“I am _not_ implying anything,” Jaehwan whined. “I know you two still keep in contact; he told me he is worried about your – oh, by the way, how did the meeting go with the teacher in the evening?”

Perhaps it was a wrong time for Jihoon to steal a glance at Daniel, because when he did, his eyes met Daniel’s hesitating gaze directed specifically at him and there could not be any other clearer sign that Daniel was not comfortable to discuss the topic in his presence.

 Shoving the invisible lumps down his throat, he looked straight at Jaehwan. “Hyung, I think I will have to find Woojin before he screams across the room looking for me. I bought some chickens, they are at the table, please have some.”

He was just turning on his heels when the pack of seaweed snack that he had been holding was snatched away from his grip.

Daniel waved the snack an inch before his eyes. “This is my favourite, thanks.”

 _I know, that’s why I walked half an hour to get those_ , was what Jihoon would like to say but like any boy his age, and as crazily in love as he was, all he could do in such situation was to mutter “take one by yourself”, hoping that the single sip of alcohol that he took earlier could be held accountable for the faint blush that has started to appear.    

He hated that he wore his heart on his sleeves, but he hated it more that Daniel smiled at him as if he had a chance all along.

 

* * *

 

Daniel was already there when Jihoon walked across the rooftop, closing the access door behind him with a lingering thought to lock it. The upperclassman turned around hastily when he heard the sound of the door shutting, most probably because of the lit cigarette that he had between his fingers. His composure returned when he made out Jihoon’s silhouette from the fluorescent lamps attached at the railings, but he put out the half-smoked cig anyway as Jihoon took a place next to him.

“Why, I want to take a puff too,” said Jihoon, swirling the can of hot tea in his right hand before opening it with a clack.

Daniel chuckled, chocked back a cough briefly then reached out his arm to mess up Jihoon’s hair fondly. “Don’t ever start. Promise me.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his drink but both of them knew the promise was sealed anyway.

“Did you drink a lot? How come you get this red?” Daniel leaned further over the railing, trying to get a clearer view of Jihoon’s flushed face. He was close enough that Jihoon find the smell of smoke from his breath and his sweater suffocating but like any other thing about Daniel, he persevered and relished the close proximity while trying his best to resist the temptation to just fit his head at the crook of Danie’s neck. Perhaps he should just do it and then later claim to be _that_ drunk.

“A lightweight like you shouldn’t drink alone,” Daniel continued and Jihoon was sure that he was going to have to make another promise about that.

“Then you should always keep eyes on me,” he said before that happened. He was well aware of what that implied, and he desperately wished that Daniel would get the hint, a bravado that was induced less by the remnant of alcohol in his system and more by the fact that their time was running out.

The smile that Daniel gave him was beautiful but did nothing to calm the pit-a-pat in his chest that had just taken to the worse, followed by the uncomfortable feeling of bile trying to surge up his oesophagus – but Jihoon gritted his teeth through those and stared into Daniel’s pretty pair of eyes as if challenging him for a response.

“I’m graduating, though,” Daniel finally gave him one, cutting off the eye contact by throwing his gaze at the dark winter sky ahead of them instead.

Jihoon teared his eyes off Daniel after a while, and when he looked up to the black canvas that was the backdrop of the quaint little neighbourhood where their school was, he thought he had imagined the white flakes that strayed down and away by the cold breeze. Yet more materialized as if from nowhere and some gathered on his palm when he held it out, disappearing after a while and replaced right away by fresh, first snow of the year.     

They were chilly in his hold when he closed his fingers off, in a comforting way that reminded Jihoon that this was the first time he had watched the first snowfall, and that he was watching it with someone he had liked since the very moment the upperclassman smiled at him during the freshman track usage and safety briefing, of which Daniel had been a committee member for. Now that he thought of it, that fateful spring was only last year but a lot had happened since and amidst maintaining the athletic records as to keep his sports scholarship – like most of the students in the private sports high school – and making sure he did not fail any exams _too badly_ – like all students in any school – Jihoon had fallen even more for Kang Daniel, and his bunny teeth that peeked out every time he finds something amusing, and his affectionate giggle at the pretty much everything; and above all, his way of calling Jihoon’s name every time they crossed paths.

And he happened to see first snow with such person – there was no other timing better than this.

“Daniel-hyung,” he saw the air puffed out as he spoke out the name, and from the corner of his eyes, Daniel turning to look at him. “I like you.”

 

* * *

  

The temperature outside must have dropped by some more degrees with the fall of the snow, because Daniel was sure the condensation was not there on the glass panels of the balcony when he went out from the room earlier. He stood by the glass panels as he watches at the white powder of the snow rains down, more heavily now – leaning close enough that his breath formed thicker condensation film on the panel.

Without much thought, he dragged his finger along the surface.

_I want to go to college_

_I want to date Jihoonie_

 

He stared at his handiwork for a while, probably to have the words to sink in his guts, as if they were not already there, ingrained in both his heart and mind as the perpetual truth. Biting down his lips so hard that he could feel his eyes water at the pain, he reached out his arm to draw the curtain over the panels, over the scribbles that he had not bothered to erase beforehand.

 The words would fade out and disappear in no time, anyway – just like his wishes, no matter how much he yearned for them.

 

* * *

 

 

The changes were subtle and barely noticeable by anyone around them – and Jihoon only had to bear it for a few months until the third year officially graduated from the high school. Daniel has been a nice hyung until the very last day they met in the school uniforms, had chuckled merrily when Jihoon congratulated him on the graduation, and had given him a brief, brotherly hug that Jihoon did not dare to ask for more.

They did not say goodbye – but they did not talk about meeting again either.

Jihoon heard it from Jaehwan probably a month before the graduation; that Daniel was not enrolling into any college, at least not in that particular spring. Something had happened within his family that gave him no choices but to go back to his hometown in Busan and be physically there for his mother, that even local colleges were not an option. It was a pity for anyone who personally knew Daniel – his high jump records and school credentials might not be enough to send him off to national athletes training centre in Taereung, they were more than enough to qualify him for the sports coaching degrees in many colleges, like he had been initially aiming for.

It was then that he finally fully understood what Daniel had said, in return for his love confession.

 

“I’m really happy, Jihoon-ah, but it is not my call right now. I am not in position to date anyone, I’m sorry,” he had told Jihoon with a smile that had not reached his eyes.

“Is it because – do you still like Seongwu-hyung?” Jihoon had not cared of how childish he sounded like, because such quick rejection should at least grant him that much privilege.

Daniel had snickered at that, albeit short and good-naturedly, as he shook his head. “We are just good friends now. Dating is just not for me at the moment, Jihoon-ah – but I’m so happy that you like me. Ah, I’m so happy, I feel like crying, what should I do?”

Jihoon had told him to just cry, and they had joked around for a while – perhaps to make sure that neither of them actually cried – before Daniel excused himself, thanking and apologizing to Jihoon again, before reminding Jihoon not to stay in the cold for too long, like a good older brother he was.

The door snapped shut behind him by the wind and Jihoon let out the half sob he had been holding but nothing more followed suit. He was wondering if he would shed any tear at all – after all, the pain in his chest seared more than he thought it would but there was none even after a while, even when the door was pushed open again.

It was foolish to hope that it was Daniel, but Jihoon could not help himself – but instead of Daniel, a boy Jihoon had never seen walked in, an amazed look on his face as he looked up to the snowing sky above them.

The boy said something to himself in a language that sounded like Chinese to Jihoon, and when their eyes met, the boy bowed slightly to him, eyes timid but with a wide gummy smile that he could not seem to wipe off his face.

“My first snow,” he said to Jihoon in English, pausing for a little bit and staring at Jihoon a little more before continuing in a heavily accented Korean. “It’s pretty.”

  

* * *

* * *

 

 

Jihoon has not realized that he is spacing out, but he must have been, because Guanlin has suddenly materialized in front of him and he does not remember seeing him approaching the bench he is sitting. In fact, his head spins momentarily when he tries to focus at looking at the boy – another tell-tale that he has been out of it for a while – and Guanlin is reduced to a mere silhouette as his eyes try to adapt.

He knows that it is Guanlin, yet the blurred mirage of an over 180 cm figure looming over him with a smile reminds him of someone else, and he has to remind himself that the person he is thinking of is more well-built to Guanlin’s lankiness, wider shoulders and all.

And the person is no longer around, as opposed to Guanlin.

“I was about to text you when I am done with the practice,” says Guanlin, taking off his Supreme headband and running his fingers through his jet-black hair. “It’s the first day of snow – the forecast says it would be tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I noticed it on the way from the library – why do you guys still have outdoor practices in this temperature, anyway?”  Jihoon asks, eyeing the layered sweatshirts Guanlin is sporting, while he still feels the chill in his padded jacket.

The younger shrugs, lips forming a light-hearted frown. “Haknyeon-hyung says we would stop outdoor practice once it snows, though so today would be the last day. It’s fun to see the snow fell from the sky in mid-jump, though.”

Jihoon cannot help but to chuckle, because Guanlin is not the first high jump athlete that tell him that. It must be a beautiful sight, yet he has a hard time believing one can notice the snow falling while jumping mid-air; it is something he cannot relate as a track athlete.

“Hyung,” Guanlin calls him for attention and he smiles at him with raised eyebrows. “Do you remember? The first time we met, it was during the first snow too.”

“Of course, I remember.”

 _Of course,_ Jihoon would remember. There is no way for him to forget, even if it just happened a year ago – the day, or precisely, the night is a night Jihoon would probably remember for a while.

“Does the first snow always make you sad, hyung?”

The question surprises Jihoon and he looks at Guanlin enquiringly. The younger boy is looking at him with a sombre look on his face, concern and curiosity blended into an expression that makes Guanlin appear more matured than his young age of 17.

“Back then, you looked so sad I felt like crying for you even if you were not crying yourself,” says Guanlin, his Korean words jumbled into haphazard grammars and slightly accented but understandable, nevertheless. He had improved a lot, and was doing so well considering that it had been barely a year since he had come to South Korea from Taipei. “Now, too, you look just as sad; and it’s making me feel bad because I don’t know why.”

Guanlin is so pure, almost like the snow itself, Jihoon finds himself thinking.

“I was very sad back then,” and he hears himself saying. “Something happened, and it upset me. Right now, I am just remembering that thing, but I am not sad anymore. I am with you, how could I be sad, Guanlin-ah?”

The way Guanlin smiles; it is as if Jihoon has handed him the world on a silver platter. There is an uneasy feeling stemmed out from nowhere but Jihoon shoves it deep down in his heart where things that do not matter anymore reside. After all, he means his words; Guanlin makes him happy the way the first snow brings the joy to the otherwise plainly cold winter.

 

From the bottom from his heart where things that should not matter anymore reside, he hopes the person has someone that makes him happy as well.

He wishes Daniel has someone to celebrate the first snow with too.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> so! how many Zero Base references did you guys get? hehe tbh, this is just an excuse to write Jihoon with his cute Jaenni-hyung while hurting Daniel in the process lol 
> 
> thanks a lot for reading, and I hope you guys like it~


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